Hui Liu on Love & Longevity

Hui Liu’s (pronounced hwee yoo) six years of marriage have taught her a lot about what love means.

“As a couple you always have conflict, you have good days and bad days,” Liu said. As their relationship has grown, Liu’s learned to ride the waves, savor the good times and not worry about the days when it’s an uphill crawl.

She’s learned even more from the two and a half years she’s had with her son, Alex.

“Marriage wasn’t that different [of a life change],” said Liu. “But having a baby, that was really different.”

But she’s also learned a lot from her research on the institution of marriage. As an assistant professor of sociology at Michigan State University, it could be said that, when it comes to love and marriage, Liu’s the expert.

Love for work

In her most recent marriage study, The Times They Are a Changin’: Marital Status and Health Differentials from 1972 to 2003, Liu and her research partner closely examined historical trends of the impact of marital status has on the state of health of men and some across the nation. The study took a close look at conventional wisdom … and some of the findings challenged it.

The study took a careful look at how people rate their own overall health and organized the survey answers by their marital status: married, never married, widowed, divorced or separated — most studies on the subject don’t separate the widowed, divorced, separated and never married groups, instead of lumping them together in an “unmarried” category. It also created subgroups by gender and race to analyze the findings.

But since the ’70s, there have been significant changes in the socioeconomic composition of those who marry, as well as in family structures and norms. For example, stigmas associated with never marrying or divorcing has decreased over time, as they have become more common choices. Not having to cope with these once-strong stigmas could in itself lead to greater happiness and improved health for these demographics.

The study revealed that over the decades, the widowed, divorced and separated reported worsened health. Liu speculated that one possible explanation for this decrease is that, as people live longer, marriages are lasting longer, too, making it harder to readjust when that spouse is suddenly gone. This trend was stronger in women than in men.

Perhaps in a reflection of developments in women’s roles in both family and the workplace, married women rated themselves as increasingly healthier over the years, while men remained the same.

And while married people still rated themselves the healthiest of all the groups, there’s good news for the singles out there, too: challenging the traditional belief that marriage makes for healthier people, there has been a significant improvement in the self-rated health of never married singles — single men’s health is close to catching up with their married counterparts.

Why have these changes occurred? All explanations are purely speculative right now, but Liu is setting out to learn more in her next study.

Love for home

Before Liu started her ventures into the impact of marriage, she grew up in China’s Shanxi Province and attended college in Tianjin.

“College is different [in China]. The people you graduate with, you all take the same classes together all the way through.”

Following her graduation, Liu trekked to Austin, Texas, to earn her PhD at the University of Texas. In addition to her rigorous studies, Liu faced the additional challenges of adapting to a completely new culture and staying connected to her own.

“The first semester wasn’t too bad. You’re still excited with the new environment,” Liu said. “The hard time was the second year; that’s when I really got the culture shock … I still don’t think I’ve fully adjusted yet.”

Liu considers her tightly knit group of Chinese friends in the area to be a critical support group in coping with moments of homesickness and culture shock. They also serve as an important connection back to her homeland. By maintaining groups of friends in both cultures, Liu balances both, learning and preserving at the same time.

Love for family

Liu’s husband, a fellow student at her college in Tianjin, followed her to America during her years in Texas. Together they have found ways to keep strong ties to their home. For example, Liu still watches China’s TV news every day.

And there is no more important reason for the couple to maintain their culture than their two-year-old son, Alex. Upon the first meeting, this sweet, serious little boy clung to his mother’s leg and murmured something to her in Chinese from behind her. Speaking Chinese at home is one of the ways the Lius keep their America-born son in touch
with his heritage.

“He doesn’t know English very well yet,” said Liu. “But I’m not worried about his English; I’m worried about his Chinese.” As Alex gets older and his English strengthens as he’s exposed to more of it in school, Liu hopes he will not lose his grasp on his complicated mother tongue.

The family also preserves its heritage by continuing to celebrate Chinese holidays, such as the
Chinese New Year.

A merging of cultures

It so happens that, this February, the Chinese New Year will fall on Valentine’s Day. And so this year, the American holiday celebrating love will truly bring together everything closest to Liu’s heart: family, friends and heritage.

“In China, the New Year is like Christmas here. Family all gets together. We go around to our neighbors’ doors and sing ‘Happy New Year’ to them. We take time to stop by and visit with friends without having to make an appointment.”

In keeping with this spirit, the Lius will invite their Chinese friends to come over and celebrate their culture together while watching the televised festivities in China.

It will be a refreshing way to celebrate Valentine’s Day for Liu, too, although the focus of the day will be on the New Year. And while she and her husband used to celebrate Valentine’s Day, they haven’t gotten out as much in recent years, “not since we had our son!” Liu said.

Tying it all together

When it comes down to it, it’s not about choosing one or the other: Chinese or American, work or family. Liu’s heart is big enough for all of it; one flows
into the other.

“[My work]’s not separate from my life. I can learn from my research and bring it into my life,” Liu said. “I’m very appreciative of my family because they make me feel relaxed. Without them, I would feel very stressed with just work … It’s also good for my work, since I can do better when I’m not stressed out.”

Liu believes that everyone can find that special balance that fits them. While her studies on love and longevity offer statistics to demonstrate trends, Liu doesn’t intend for this information to prove a “right” or “wrong” way to live for everyone.

“[Marriage is] not for everyone. The statistical information and the real-life individual stories can be drastically different. Each finds their own path that is right for them.”

But regardless if Liu’s choices match your own or if you’re marching to your own drum, we could probably all stand to take a page from Liu’s book and follow her manta: “Be happy and everything
will go smoothly.”